I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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