you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
