he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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