Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is classic penis vs brain.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize