I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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