We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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