I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I seem to have left my pride at pride
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
