I queefed so loud it echoed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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