is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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