She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize