whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
