Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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