if you like me you must not know who I am
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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