Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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