I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
