Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
