So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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