marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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