I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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