I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
