I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
