Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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