i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
