flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
