i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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