Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
