i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
