Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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