So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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