don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
