I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
