I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
