No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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