why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
