His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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