Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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