Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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