Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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