Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize