I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
