you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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