he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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