Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
