Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
