thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize