woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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