evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
