Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
