I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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