i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
