You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
