Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize