you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
