Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
