the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
