a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
