He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
