there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
