wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
