and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
