he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize