I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Come on in and take your pants off
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