Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
