Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
