I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
