Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My feet surprised me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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