She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
