I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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