Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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